I was bullied K-10 and grew up to be an educator, so I've thought a great deal about the workings of bullying, why some children are bullied, and what motivates bullies. The following is an essay I wrote addressing some of the many myths of bullying that continue to exist, despite all the research to the contrary, and that do enormous damage to children and adolescents.
The great news for me is that the new anti-bullying laws in NJ, Connecticut, and Massachusetts, as well as this new initiative by the UFT take on the most dangerous myth of all: that adults can do nothing to stop bullying.
Here's an essay about some others: http://perfectwhole.wordpress...

This is an excellent step and I agree with Julie Goldberg Springer’s comment that the idea that adults can’t help do anything to stop bullying is an absolute myth. As a former classroom teacher and current digital media educator at Common Sense Media, I believe a key piece to bullying prevention involves addressing the role of bystanders. We need to encourage our students to stand up instead of standing by – and this involves education that directly addresses how kids can help one another and take positive action. Non action fuels bullying.
-Tali Horowitz, Common Sense Media, www.commonsense.org

It is heartening to see so many fellow educators and concerned community members model such great collaboration and partnering skills to help alleviate the issues surrounding bullying behavior. I do agree that “quick fixes” or one-day or one-week campaigns are not very useful to engendering systemic change. In fact, most bully prevention efforts are not helpful because they are short term, fragmented and focus only on the bully and/or the victim. In addition, too often adults in school communities are bullies. When students see adults bullying other adults and/or students, it powerfully undermines student-focused bully prevention efforts. Effective bully prevention efforts need to be an ongoing effort that involves everyone in the community. In fact, we are all involved in the sense that we are all witnesses to bully‐victim behavior. When we – directly or indirectly – are a witness to bully‐victim behavior, adults and students make a conscious or unrecognized decision to be a bystander or an upstander. Bystanders are people who either “do nothing” or even, actively encourage the bully. In either case, they collude with and support bullying and victimization. On the other hand students and adults alike can make a decision to be an upstander who – directly or indirectly – says “no” to bully‐victim behavior. Effective bully prevention efforts are ones that actually protect children and adults from harm as well as promoting school wide learning that supports social responsibility (i.e. upstander behavior). Working to create a safe, supportive, and engaging school climate can save lives. As educators, we play a central role in creating the type of positive environment where all students will thrive. A comprehensive—individual, small group, school-wide and school-community wide—effort to prevent bully-victim behavior and promote upstander behavior is foundational to achieving this goal.
The National School Climate Center (NSCC) has consistently promoted youth voice in this whole process. We highlight the role of the upstander so that youth understand that they are vitally engaged and can be truly empowered to be the change agents in anti-bullying (and so many more!) efforts. Our BullyBust campaign provides free supports to schools nationwide to help students and adults take a stand against bullying and create a positive community of upstanders - people who recognize when bullying occurs and act to make it right. In 2011, BullyBust announced a new resource: the Upstander Alliance (www.bullybust.org) which empowers youth with the tools and resources they need to engage their peers and the entire community in the effort to prevent bullying.

At the Council for Prejudice Reduction www.cprnys.org we applaud all conversation that helps children and adults become more helpful and less hurtful. Special kudos to the UFT and team for developing a case management model. Teachers cannot be alone in this effort. Those who teach, counsel and discipline within and beyond the classroom can succeed by aligning their practices through a shared purpose, common vocabulary and shared approach. In this way, the combined and measurable effect is positive behavior change...otherwise known as learning. :)

We are concerned that the teacher in this story reported that she worked carefully with the target of the bullying, but did not report working with the students who were tormenting the child either through bullying, harrassing or demonstrating typical bystander indifference or vicarious pleasure at her suffering.
This child should no more develop a tolerance for bullying than battered spouses or children should develop a tolerance for being hurt at home.

In this particular case, there is a curriculum-content-based option the teacher could use, including but not limited to the evidence that all human beings come from Africa, are profoundly affected by Africa, that Africa is the home of abundant and beautiful resources (including people) and that every continent and country is equally and different valuable. It is an opportunity for all the students to learn that calling someone 'African' is a compliment, and any of us would be lucky to be so connected to such an amazing continent rich in so many resources, countries and cultures. Everyone's background should be framed as a source of pride and dignity, and everyone in the school community. This is something we need to teach, share, encourage, etc., so tolerance, interdependence and dignity are as much a part of daily life as brushing our teeth.

In addition, we could teach all the people involved that the words we use and actions we choose show how we feel about ourselves in the moment. All those mean words and actions say nothing about our target, and everything about us. If we try to make someone feel stupid, then it means we feel stupid at that moment and we just need some help to learn how to feel that way without hurting anyone. We all feel stupid or ugly or unlovable at some point. We just need to surround ourselves with positive people and see ourselves as interdependent with all others, so we can find the words and actions to express our feelings in helpful rather than hurtful ways.

We approach bullying as a verb more than a noun, since many children bully episodically, while others bully chronically. We help the targeted children understand that, if they were not in this setting, the people who bully would try to bully someone else. That proves that the target is not the cause.

We do note that bullying is a typical but unacceptable form of expressing feelings of fear, anger, control, sadness, betrayal, etc. Targets are not responsible for bullying they experience. Targets can certainly develop strategies to protect their hearts, reach out for help and demonstrate confidence that adults and fellow students will keep them safe.

We establish that people who bully/try to scare us/try to make us feel bad about ourselves are usually scared and/or feel bad and haven't yet learned how to express fear in positive ways, so they try to make someone else feel afraid. The same is true for bystanders. It is our job to help people who bully develop Behavior Replacement Plans (R), so they can develop and leverage their own social resources, strengths, goals and skills to replace their impulse to bully with words and actions that are helpful instead of hurtful. We also establish that hurting others hurts the person who bullies. There is much evidence to support this.

Connecting Character to Conduct, a systemic, practical and proven approach to helping educators use direct instruction, counsel and support and discipline to help students practice using helpful, interdependent words and actions to express their thoughts and feelings. http://www.ascd.org/publicati...
We start on the premise that school is a learning team, and that every day is game day and every night is practice. We have a long record of helping students use such core values as respect, impulse control, compassion and equity (r) RICE (R) to fulfill their roles as powerful members of their learning team, so they advance the shared purpose of school in ways that make their own dreams come true. We do construct t-charts listing how we know we are saying and doing things that show respect and other core values, not matter how we feel. These are just some powerful tools available through the Council for Prejudice Reduction, where I serve in a volunteer capacity as the Executive Director. Feel free to friend me on FB or email me at robertarichin@gmail.com

Another model for behavior is seen through the Ophelia project, which states that friends have responsibility to act between the tormentor and the tormented.

i am in 7th grad and being bullied it is not fun at all

Bullying, like every other social ill up to and including lynching, will continue as long as society allows it. "There's nothing we can do" is the lame response I always heard from "educators;" it has no basis in fact. Like every other social outrage, if we have the collective will to put an end to it, this can be accomplished. Parents, teachers and administrators can work together to educate children in proper group behavior that does not include violence towards those who are "different."

"Bullying is poisonous"
I currently have legislation on Teen Suicide (S.3015B)
which has become an epidemic in today's youth. Our children are being harrassed, tormented and killing themselves over mere words, pictures (sexting)or just plain bullying. It seems like social media outlets have taken a whole as far as bullying. it also seems like the old adage 'Sticks and Stones may Break my Bones but names with never hurt me'. When will children ever be children again; cute, cuddly, playful and innocent, instead of being harrassed, attacked or acts of violence upon someone. Bullying must be stopped and not tolerated in schools, playgrounds and abroad. There are many laws to educate and prevent them from happening.
Please let's put a stop to BULLYING!

Any harmful things happened has a definite reason and a solution. And bullied cases nowadays were rapidly increasing due to lack of communication from parents to their kids. And as a mother, I am preparing myself to deal with this issue, to avoid my kids from being bullied and to help them deal as well from any bullies. Thus, I was searching sites that will help me know what to do about bullying issues and an Apps that can guard my loved ones in case of any emergencies. Then I found this link http://www.tsue-thatswhatshes... that talks about securing every family in modern way. You can also check that link for your own good.

I love this post because it points out something very important and basic; when bullying isn't stopped, it affects more and more kids and then it clearly affects the entire school climate. We have to continue to find multiple solutions and untangle this tangled ball of a mess call bullying. We'd love to hear your thoughts and your ideas at Tangled Ball.com.

i would just like to know why it is that when the child is getting bullied they send him or her to a therapist/counselor, meanwhile the bullies are in class not feeling any consequences of their actions

As the mom of a kid who was so bullied I took him out of school I believe there are a lot of things at play here. A lot of things people don't like to talk about.
1. Teachers are not typically equipped to handle the bullies and/or have their hands tied on how much they can actually do.
2. School (read principle/district, etc) don't like to think they have a problem. It is easier to wish it would all go away, or hope it won't get worse and hope the kid being bullied can handle it.
3. Anti-bully programs and consultants are not cheap and you get what you pay for. In the case of my son's school the discussions began with the admission of the school admitting they had a systemic bullying issue at the school and they were hiring a bully consultant and ended several months later with the decision not to hire a consultant. The cost being a huge factor.
4. Let's face it, no parent likes to hear their kid is a punk. Most parents push the issue under the rug or ignore it because it takes effort and work to change them. When my ex-husband approached the mom of one of my son's bullies (as requested by the teacher and principal) he explained what had been going on and asked if we could work together to change it. The mom said, "I can't control how he treats his sister at home, how do you expect me to control him at school." That boy will be an adult bully.
5. Some kids learn how to bully at home. Enough said there.

Now, how do we fix it? I think we need a two pronged approach.
1. There needs to be a zero tolerance program across the board and incentive giving kids to protect each other (yes -- snitching!) We need to start teaching No Bullying just like they started teaching "Just say No to drugs" and anti-gang classes. Teach them early...keep it going throughout the grades, like Project Cornerstone.
2. We need to grow a backbone and carry out the zero tolerance policies. If a kid is a problem, they need to be dealt with -- stop whimping out because someone might get their feelings hurt.

My son's friends were at a public school where there was a boy who was so out of control. The DISTRICT PAID for him to have an 'escort' at school. Basically, this was a big strong guy who chaperoned the bully around all day so he would not hurt/bother the other kids. What have we come to?

Let's fix this problem.

Last thoughts.
Parents of the bullied kids need to understand how to build their kids' self-esteem back up. It takes a concerted effort to undo the damage done by these bullies. It took me 3 years, but my 12 year old now has Bully-Proof Self-Esteem! He has even written a book about it! (just about to be launched by a NY publisher - proud mom moment--sorry) It took me a lot of effort and work to get him there and I could not be more proud. It can be done, we can bring these bullied kids back from the brink!

Sincerely stepping off my soap box now,

Jack's Mom

I was bullied off and on during my time in school mainly because of my weight,but no matter what the reason is it is hurtful and damaging even if you can't see it.I teach my children not to bully anyone for any reason even if other kids are doing it , because one day it might be you . People are all different in many different ways size,language,abilities,rich or poor, it don't matter we are all human and all have feelings most important we all came from God would you pick on him because he was different?

In Junior High School, I was a mild-mannered kid. I was very nice. I did not fight. Yet unfortunately, I was picked on quite a bit by bullies during those years. There was one bully in particular, Freddie Lork. Doesn’t that even sound like a bully’s name? He had it in for me big time. In the seventh grade, he was almost twice as tall as I was and was twice as strong as I was. In my mind, he was just a monster. He was so mean. He even had his own little Goon Squad. They would terrorize everyone.
Each day after gym class, we would all go back to the locker room to shower. Every day after his shower, Freddie Lork would walk by me and spit on me. I tried to do the right thing as we were taught to do; I told my dilemma to all of the P.E. teachers, however it did not matter. Every single day he would walk by and spit on me. It became such a routine I would not even bother getting dressed until he would walk by. This went on for quite a while.
One day I just snapped. I am not sure exactly what made this day so different from all the rest, but I decided even though I might die in the process; the abuse was going to end today. I had finally had enough. I had summoned the courage to face my fears. After my shower, I got a mouthful of water, went back to my locker, started to dress and mentally prepared for battle. – excerpt from The Charm by Gus Searcy
http://www.thecharm.info/toce...

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